i did not say anything when your grandfather came home that night.

last night i had a moment. somewhere in the haze of gin making sexy times with my empty stomach and the weed putting my brain into ________ mode i had a genuine moment. 

this was the moment: you’re sitting talking to someone. a cute someone. and that someone is saying something either a) cute or b) interesting or both cute and interesting and you’re just sitting listening and you become hypnotized by their lips moving. or not hypnotized so much as turned on and this huge part of you realises that you want to say, “sorry, just to interrupt for a second but um…i’d very much like to kiss you” and whether you kiss them or not you said what you felt. it was one of those moments. i didn’t say that phrase but i did really want to. i wonder if he would’ve kissed me? 

i’d very much like to kiss chuck klosterman. wouldn’t it be so hilarious if compulsively googled himself (and it seems like he’s someone who might) and google led him here and he read this ages old blog and found me somehow witty and interesting and kissable too and then somehow soon after that we would kiss. maybe we’d also have lunch. no, not lunch. obviously not lunch. we’d obviously get brunch. maybe in the middle of all the kissing we’d have brunch and talk about how are past loves have ruined our ability to just simply let pop music be. and we’d laugh, and get stoned and talk about how gross coke is and then kiss some more. 

i think somewhere in there i’d have to tell him how much i love diet coke. just to be stupid. and that would be my flaw: “michelle was really perfect, like pretty perfect, but she’d always make really stupid comments in the middle of really intense conversations.” and then i’d be in a book and i would be written about in ways that made me want to kiss chuck klosterman in the first place.

i turned 27 last week and it was, if nothing else, a rather eye opening experience. 

“you can’t break out of a circle you never knew you were in” 

and suddenly the shape of the circle changes and you’re painfully aware of just how deep inside of it you are.

and it’s a great moment of realisation. my birthday wasn’t what i wanted it to be but it wasn’t bad either and it just made me realise that i’m taking the right path for the moment. for the moment it all feels really stellar.

i don’t typically do this but given the way my life seems to be headed it seems an appropriate thing to do. 

so i wanna chat about conor oberst’s solo effort conor oberst (merge 2008). i love this album. i really do. there are homage’s and little moments of loving dedication to the pioneers of americana like tom petty and bruce springsteen. 

i’m not one to really notice production but the difference between the mike mogis produced bright eyes albums and the andy lemaster/oberst production. this time around the production is cleaner, richer and the focus seems to be on the songs and their construction as opposed to capturing weird little sounds to make the songs seem like they’re trapped in an oven or wherever…  on conor oberst we hear pianos and mandolins and guitars. welcome additions. this is country music. rich and lovely. 

oberst and i come from very similar backgrounds: middle-class catholic children of the early 80s growing up in cities with money (from oil and/or farming) and from the songs on this record it appears we’re both ready for a change. we’re both hoping the road will keep all of its promises. we’re both hopeful. this album couldn’t have come at a better time for me. there really seems to be nothing the road, or a great country record, cannot heal.

but never the homecoming queen. 

my room smells like gasoline. 

those two things were not meant to rhyme. 

on the first day of the lab mark and i were told to chat and then introduce each other to our classmates. since mark and i already new each other we decided we’d forgo the usual who what where when whys and hows of it all just chat about random stuff. i told him about a dream i’d had the night before. i had dreamt that everything i’d known and loved about edmonton was changing. i don’t remember specific details about the dream except that cafe mosaics no longer existed…

well, it’s coming true. edmonton is changing and everything i love about it, the people, the memories, all feel a little different. not bad different but different enough that i feel like the changes i am about to make are the right ones. i’m taking a step back, creating a reality somewhere else. 

i am seeing things i’ve built crash around me, friendships crumble, new ones be built in their place and i feel like the world is opening itself to me in a way i’d not allowed before…now. in the harsh light of heartbreak all things seem possible. the silver lining. that illusive and cliched silver lining is excited and maybe for me, tonight, it’s made of gold. 

“there is nothing the road cannot heal”

they do sweat. i find it inexplicable that the front of my calves can sweat. but they can. and they did. a lot. along with every single other pore in my entire body.

yesterday was my first moksha yoga experience. 38 degrees celcius. 100% humidity. it’s like doing yoga in the middle of august in downtown toronto. it’s hot. and it’s hard. harder than any yoga i’ve ever done. harder than a full ashtanga series with all those goddamn vinyasas. it’s hard.

but i am going to keep going. i’m going to go again today in fact. the new sensation of heart racing and pores pouring and body heat exploding left me feeling well rested and rejuvenated this morning. i was BRUTALIZED by tired last night but this morning i felt pretty good.

and besides, i look at the people that do hot yoga a lot and they are SKINNY. i am going to go there and just sweat all the fat off my body. it’ll be fucking great!

i feel like i’d like to be blogging again. i know no one really reads this but maybe i need to do it for me. 

maybe. 

i’ve changed the look of the good ol’ inter-office dance party. it needed less darkness. 

things are super here in edmitten. the sun is out, keeping me warm and well-fed with vitamin D. i have experienced things in the last few months that have reminded me why being an artist is so essential to my well being the best path i could be on. sure, it’s still appealing from time to time to take a step towards something else. towards being able to afford things. towards a life where my day-job was my job. towards… whatever. but those “towards” statements just take me away from somewhere i love and from people i love and from the kind of experiences i’ve had and will continue to have. 

so yeah… it’s late and i’m tired but i’m pleased to still have this bad boy up and kicking and i think i am going to use it for me…creative pursuits from time to time. observations. short fictions. poems (if i don’t barf at my own pretention) as well as the occassional update on actual things related to life. nick also says i should be some sort of pop-culture essayist so maybe there’ll be some of that on here as well. 

ha ha! 

michelle. 

in other news, i only listen to country music again so if you’ve got some good stuff kicking around hit me up!

yep, it’s that time of year again. time to make decisions about who did the best this year and who fell short. i do this every year…or at least i have for the last few years. i often feel like i don’t have the authority to make these sort of value judgements but this year i’ve decided to put the self-doubt aside. i consume music at a pretty high rate and the more i listen to the more i am able to save coherantly what i like and don’t like about certain bands, genres, lables, etc…and i know it’s well into 2008 (or well into january anyways…) but here it is! my totally unsolicited opinion about the best 20 albums of 2007. check ‘em out, agree, disagree or just read on. 

#20: Cuff the Duke- Sidelines of the City (Hardwood Records)

 This isn’t a GREAT album. I recognize that it isn’t even particularly good. This is standard Canadian indie rock fare. Songs about small towns, touring and broken hearts. Nothing you haven’t heard before…BUT somehow it is. For some unknown reason that defies logic or reason I LOVE this album. It’s a love letter to small towns (Oshawa, Ontario specifically), touring and broken hearts. “Failure to Some” is a particular favourite of mine and definitely worth the $7.99 I paid for it as the iTunes album of the week!

 #18. Matthew Dear- Asa Breed (Ghostly International)/ Burial- Untrue (Hyperdub)

 I like Matthew Dear a lot. For one, he is an incredibly sexy man who makes incredibly sexy music. Second, in an age when we’re obsessed with EXCESS a little minimalism goes a LONG way. That being said, this album sounds leaps and bounds more full than previous efforts and the addition of vocals are in interesting twist. “Deserter” will make you want to do things you didn’t imagine doing.

 Burial on the other hand stays with the minimalist vibe making for a deliciously haunting record. I haven’t had a chance to absorb this album as fully as it deserves but I know this: listening to this record while Christmas shopping at West Edmonton Mall for a cousin and step-sister will fuck you up. I have never felt completely sober and completely out of this world at the same time. Pay particular attention to “Archangel”

#18. Jens Lekman- Night Falls Over Kortedala (Secretly Canadian) I started listening to Jens Lekman because of a boy. A cute boy with a ukulele who writes songs that would sound like Jens Lekman if Jens Lekman wasn’t a Swede. That may be why I started listening to Jens Lekman but it wasn’t until a couple of weeks ago that I really LISTENED to Jens Lekman. I remember the moment when I fell in love with this glorious Swede’s delicious brand of pop music. I had just seen “The Golden Compass” with my sister and her friend from Barrie, Ontario and my sister needed a new toothbrush. It was 12:17am and the closest place to buy a toothbrush was the 24hr Wal-Mart so we went there. In the interest of sanity of stayed in the car and put Peter on shuffle while I people watched… Just as I was about to get really frustrated at both the amount of time it was taking and how badly Peter was djing that night “Sky Phenomenon” from Jens Lekman previous release (Oh, You’re So Silent Jens) came on. I was immediately smitten. Boys disappear but cute pop music stayed forever. This album is the perfect soundtrack to sitting outside of a Wal-Mart at 12:17am or for sitting around drinking white wine, or for smooching with a cute boy. Pitchfork calls “Postcards for Nina” one of the best songs of the year and it really is! This whole album is! 

#17. Rufus Wainwright- Release the Stars (Geffen) This friends, is decadence at its best. Sexy, sad and epic. I’d ask for and expect nothing less from Canada’s super balladier. I heard an interview with Mr. Wainwright on CBC Radio3 recently and he said that with every release he makes a promise to himself to scale it all back, make it small and intimate and every time it ends up bigger and more grandiose. All I can say to that is THANK GOD! “Nobody’s Off The Hook” is a stand-out favourite for me!

 #16. Bright Eyes- Cassadaga (Saddle Creek) If there is a Bright Eyes release it will make this list. Despite my insatiable love for the man behind the moniker this is Conor Oberst’s strongest and most cohesive album to date. It’s simple (and at the same time incredibly complex-almost to be point of being overproduced), elegant and emotionally honest-not just pretending to be. This a grownup album from indie rock’s boy genius. Conor Oberst is a man now and writing songs like a man, finally! “If The Breakman Turns My Way” is a killer example of how great this album is. 

#15. The Besnard Lakes- The Besnard Lakes Are the Dark Horse (Jagjaguwar)

 The Besnard Lakes really are the dark horse of Canadian indie rock. With a 2007 Polaris Prize nomination under their belts the Besnard Lakes have definitely earned the hype. This album is intimate and cool and reminds me of what it feels like to be caught outside with no mittens and an unexpected chill in the air. When I go to Whitehorse this dark horse is coming with me! “Cedric’s War” rules. 

#14. Justice- “Cross” (Ed Banger) This album is just cool. It just is. It’s perfect for working out! Perfect for dancing the night away and judging from the number of remixes…perfect for remixing! Time to lace up your vintage gold nike high tops and rock the fuck out. Get sweaty with that cute boy/girl you’ve been checking out all the dance parties. This is French music, get French kissing! I’d French kiss to “D.A.N.C.E. (Alan Braxxe Remix) any day.

#13. The Weakerthans- Reunion Tour (Epitaph)

Much like Bright Eyes, if the Weakerthans release an album it will show up on my best of list…it’s just the way life goes. On Reunion Tour John K. Samson continues to prove himself as Canada’s musical poet laureate. The song structure and musicality is the same Weakerthans fare we’ve heard on the previous three releases but the lyrics remain strong and affecting and always worth listening to. Listening to this records also pushes me back into the band’s back cataglogue which is always a fun and nostalgic trip. “Virtute the Cat Explains Her Departure” is a live stand out but “Relative Surplus Value” remains a particular favourite of mine.

#12. The Joel Plaskett Emergency- Ashtray Rock (Turtlemusic)

Here’s the deal. Prior to this release I’d never given Joel Plaskett a chance. I don’t know why and in the end I suppose the why doesn’t matter. All that matters is now I love Joel Plaskett and Ashtray Rock. This album is a tribute to the east coast, to best friends and to pretty girls. It’s rich and lush and full of gorgeous melodies and riffs that will make you love skinny boys from Halifax all over again. The last time I drove home I listened to “Face of the Earth” over and over and over again… one of my favourite songs of 2007!

#11. Andre Ethier- On Blue Fog (Blue Fog Recordings)Aside from the fact that Andre Ethier named his album for the label it was on this music sounds like it comes from a dank dark hole in the forests of Northern Quebec composed entirely surrounded by the blue fog of the forest and pounds and pounds of weed. Ethier leaves behind the grimy trappings of the Deadly Snakes to create a gorgeous and heartfelt folk album that will bring tears to your eyes on more than one occasion. Taking a cue from Bob Dylan Ethier combines smart lyrics with sad bastard folk guitar to create something timeless and brand new at the same time. I was an instant fan within the first 20 seconds of this record. “Never Grow Tired of Me” is a classic and devastatingly sad love song.

#10. Miracle Fortress- Five Roses (Secret City Records)

This album is simple, complicated, tiny, epic and every other contradiction known…When listening to it often find myself switching songs back and forth unsure of how to manouver through this album. I do know, however, that I love it! “Hold Your Secrets to Your Heart” is a particular favourite.

#9. Broken Social Scene Presents Kevin Drew- …Spirit If (Arts and Crafts)

This Kevin Drew solo effort feels like it starts where the last BSS album leaves off but it isn’t a BSS album. I mean, yeah, it IS. But this album feels like it puts some of the pretention of a regular BSS album on the back burner and lets us just rock the fuck out. Drew’s lyrics are forefronted here and ring true in their humour, wit and Canadian self-deprecation. “Gang Bang Suicide” has a particularly soft spot in my heart.

#8. Radiohead- In Rainbows (Self Released)

Anyone who knows me well would be surprised to see a Radiohead album on any list I’d make besides “Bands that used to be rock bands that were awesome until they weren’t rock bands anymore” but somewhere along the road I had an epiphany and that epiphany told me I was an idiot. I’m a big idiot. Basically, Radiohead is one of the best bands in the universe. We are the Radiohead generation. We are the Radiohead generation just as much as we are the Nirvana generation. We embraced more “experimental” forms of music BECAUSE of Radiohead. At least I think so anyways. And maybe it didn’t go that way for me but as we’ve previously established…I’m an idiot. This album is stunning and heartbreaking and a completely satisfying listen. That sounds weird right? Satisfying. But yeah, I feel full, satiated, satisfied…when I listen to it. “House of Cards” Damn.

#7. The New Pornographers- Challenges (Merge)

Last year I talked about how much I loved Destroyer’s “Rubies” and how I was sure that the individual New Pornographers’ solo projects were consistently better than any of the New Pornographers efforts. Again, I am an idiot. This album is gorgeous. Carl Newman is at the peak of his game. His songs are kind, gentle and full of love for the craft and the perfect pop song. Dan Bejar’s (Destroyer) song are a tad weaker but they hardly weaken the album. This album is as close to perfect pop as it comes. “Failsafe” is one of my favourite songs of the year!

#6. Fiest- The Reminder (Arts and Crafts)

I never really understood the whole “Feist” thing until the release of this album. I got that she was talented and cute but “Let it Die” didn’t have the umph I was expected. The Reminder is full of umph! I find myself constantly going back to this album, craving it’s smooth rhythms and Ms. Feist’s rich perfect pitch. Truly one of Canada’s best and brightest voices. “So Sorry” is my fav but pretty much all the songs rule!

#5. Spoon- Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga (Merge)

Britt Daniel is a sexy little…sex god and this album will make you a sex god too. Or it won’t but it’s sexy and delicious and full of warmth and good vibrations. It sounds like the future fed through a cigarette pants filter and it’ll make you dance. GREAT album aside, Spoon is one of the BEST live bands on the planet. I feel so incredibly lucky that I got to see them this year in Calgary! YAY! “My Little Japanese Cigarette Case” is wonderful AND if you have 99cents head on down to the Merge online store and buy yourself a copy of the Diplo Remix of “Don’t You Evah”-it rules!

#4. Okkervil River-The Stage Names

When I first heard this album I had never heard of Okkervil River and the second I heard the first five seconds of the opening track I was hooked. I’ve since bought as much of their catalogue as I could find or afford. This album is the strongest of the bunch. Warm, rich, thoughtful and full of delicious moments of lyrical whimsy. It makes me smile and giggle and shed a fear tears! I’m starting run out of superlatives so I’ll just say that “You Can’t Hold The Hand of a Rock and Roll Man” is an amazing song.

#3. LCD Soundsystem- Sound of Silver (DFA)

It’s not surprising that this album is amazing. James Murphy is full on revolutionizing what we expect from electro/disco punk/dance punk/whateverthefuckyouwannacallit. Because of Murphy we expect heart and soul, a consciousness about the world around him both musically and emotionally. This is the good stuff, a fine wine where when we hear it we’re sure the best is yet to come. Just go listen to “All My Friends” already wouldya?

#2. Stars- In Our Bedroom After the War (Arts and Crafts)

MMmmm…romance. Sweet delicious romance. Stars prove it isn’t dead. Epic, heartbreaking romance. This album is rich, bold, sweet, soft, and romantic (duh). I find comfort in the bombast of this album; in the fact that it was composed without any lack of self-awareness. This is Stars as Stars do it best! “Barricade” is the BEST song of 2007. Check it. DO IT. NOW!

#1. The Great Lake Swimmers- Ongiara (Nettwerk)

Number one. One. One. One. I don’t really know why this is THE BEST album of 2007 but when I heard it I felt at peace, calm and as if I was floating somewhere along the chilly north atlantic and feeling just fine. Best song on the album in a sea of other gorgeous songs? “Changing Colours”.

The end. The year I also loved: Electrelane, Les Savy Fav, and Beirut.

hey dudes, i don’t often use this space as a space to review music but for once…

i’ve been listening to the new Tussle EP and i can’t say i’m diggin’ it. i actually found it sort of boring. sure it’s good, in theory, strong beats, good remixes, etc…but mostly it became background music. i was sitting there, stuck in traffic, and it didn’t make me wanna throw my hands up and have a saturn dance party. instead it just felt like background music for a hip coffee shop where hip people can feel even hipper by dropping the song title, the remixers, whatev-.

 maybe it’s different in da club.

maybe i’m over electro for the time being.

on a similar note, the new cuff the duke album is AMAZING! 

so i’ve been waiting to hear…for what’s felt like months and yesterday i heard. a project that i was lucky to be included in applied for a grant from the edmonton cultural capital grant and we GOT IT! $22,000!! can you believe it?!</p>  <p> seriously! i get to do a show with a budget! amazing!!  </p>

i had an epiphany tonight.

aside from the fact that i remembered that i love the word epiphany. and that i find it hard to spell. and that i put an extra e in remember all the damn time…

so my epiphany… tonight i went to a reasonably big event in the theatre community in this fair town of mine and part of me was dreading it. a lot. not because i knew the work wasn’t going to be awesome but because i knew a huge part of my evening would be spent schmoozing. something i feel like i am quite shit at. but then something happened…at some point i jolted myself back into reality and realised that i was having a pretty wonderful time.

the thing is…schmoozing isn’t the bullshit-fackey-i-can’t-think-of-anything-better-to-say-then-that-i-liked-the-lighting-on-your-crap-show-so-now-whatthefuck-do-we-talk-about…instead it’s just hanging out with like-minded people talking about drugs and vegas and taking the five hole.

sure, sometimes you have bullshit about a crappy show you hated but why on earth should we spend our time being fake assholes when we should be supporting each other?? got me, friends, got me.

anyways, the point is that i realised that it’s ok to be who i am, in all my awkward bad at schmoozing glory and not schmooze at all but just have genuine conversation with people you genuinely like and who’s work you really enjoy. and really mean it when you tell them you were glad you saw them…

the more and more i get schooled in what it really means to be IN the industry of making art and not just sitting out in the ether having romantic ideas about what making art is the more i realise, and remember, that all this stuff that we spend our entire lives dreaming of doing is about other people and our relationships with those people. art is a people based industry…like i said, startlingly obvious. and it’s not that i didn’t know this… i’ve just been thinking a LOT lately about what comes next and next and next and while i am really ok with not knowing the fact that i know small things like, “don’t be a fake asshole”, “mean what you say”, “work and exist with integrity” etc… will be there to help. </p.

like i said friends, a startlingly obvious epiphany…people are cool, don’t be a jerk, you have something to offer.

hilarious.</p?