before i hit send…

a challenge was put forth and i rose to it for a time but recently i realised i rose to it because i felt challenged not because i was passionate about what was behind the challenge.

i am a point in my career when i have no one to answer to but myself and if i do this show, on someone else’s terms, i am going to have a lot of questions for myself-a lot of questions i am not going to be able to answer. if i do this it’s all on me, ALL of it, and i can’t comprimise on the most basic things before i’ve even begun. i am completely passionate and commited to this project and i have been for a long time. such passion isn’t proven or disproven by my not doing this in this capacity. such passion isn’t about “delivery” to a festival. i may never have the kind of freedom to create that i have right now. someday someone might want to hire and pay me for all of this work and stress and love and then i’ll have to make sacrifices like that. when there’s no one’s money but my own involved being able to look myself in the mirror and saying that i did this on my own terms and in my way is the only thing that matters to me.

i know this all sounds like bullshit but when i close my eyes i know i can make this work the way i wanted to initially and truthfully, none of the spaces on that list interest me in the slightest. it’s not about doing the show in a bar, or in a field for the sake of not doing it in a theatre. for me it’s about mutual support for independant artists and the understanding that as a community we are not restricted to our individual disciplines. if we work together good art will happen and we won’t need to beg and sell ourselves out to people looking for a “mutually beneficial business relationship” because we will a community that already exists. when i close my eyes i can’t imagine this show happening at the one on whyte and having some bar manager tell me something won’t work because it doesn’t fit their marketing plan to get 500 frat boys through a night. i’m young and idealistic and for me the venue and the people at the venue and their on-going support of the arts community is AS important as the show itself. i am not willing to patronize a business during the festival that i would never patronize during the rest of the year. i am not interested in helping the iron horse sell drinks.

maybe i’m naive and maybe i’m idealistic but i am ok with that. don’t discount me and don’t think this isn’t going to happen just because it isn’t happening at the festival. l

thank you for all your support and for pushing me to get this going. i’m definately inspired and rolling along and glad to know that there is support an email or phone call away.

i wanted to kiss you.

i wanted to kiss you all night long. well, i suppose all night isn’t really what i meant. i wanted to kiss you after i’d known you for only an hour and immediately after i discovered that you have the same love for my chemical romance; THAT made me want to kiss you.

and then on the balcony.

and then on the street when your sister and my friend skipped far ahead of us.

and then when you held my hand for a second so as not to lose your way in a new place.

and then when you brought me a drink.

and then when we were outside.

and then in 7-11.

and then on the balcony again.

and then when you were sleeping on the floor beside me.

but i never did.

sure, we flirted and talked and got along but i should have said “hey, thanks for the smoke. i think you’re cute” and let whatever was suppose to happen happen. if something bad happened i could have blamed the gin and avoided your eyes for the rest of the night.

another time.

i’m a bother…

i’m probably super annoying. i say things without thinking. accidentally offend with abandon. i just don’t know when to keep my mouth shut.

not the point though. the point is that i probably don’t bother anyone more than my piercer/scarification artist.

anyways, my ears are now up to a 4g. tunnel. can’t wait for them to heal so i can get myself up to 00.

whoo.

xo xo

a sobering thought

tonight is the first night in a long time that i will go to sleep completely sober.

i’ve been either drunk or stoned every night for a long time. that, my friends, is a scary and sobering thought.

there’s always a moment

i love the moment when secret lovers are revealed.

i’ll keep your secret and tell you one of my own.

we can revel together, in secrecy (and sometimes embarrassment)

and enjoy the fact that we don’t hold back.

let’s raise a glass to never holding back.

i’ll never tell.

and you’ll never tell.

and our secret lovers will remain just that,

secret.

making out: a poem of sorts but more like a whining lament

why aren’t we making out?
why aren’t we making out right now?

in the
back seat
of my car.

or rather the front seat
because, the
back seat
is a

mess.

duet for guitars

october 16, 2004

vancouver, british columbia
commodore ballroom
bright eyes with m. ward and jim james from my morning jacket.

i flew to vancouver to see bright eyes thinking he’d never play in edmonton. turns out i was wrong but reds really can’t hold a candle to the commodore.

my sister and i arrived early because i NEEDED to be up front only feet away from the cutest emo-indie dork in the universe. we waited for a while. talked to this bizaare girl with a love for conor oberst that i couldn’t compete with (nor did i want to…) and as he walked by i swooned and she didn’t notice. haha.

the lights fade and a man walks out on stage with nothing but a guitar. he stands slight stage right of centre and doesn’t look at us. he takes a breath and plays the most stunning folk/country guitar solo i have ever heard. a hush fell over the entire crowd as everyone just watched stunned and awestruck. when he finished the song he stopped looked up took two steps to the microphone said “thank you” and continued to play his set.

i only knew he was m. ward because my ticket said he was and because much later on in the evening conor oberst introduced and thanked him as he stepped in to join the bright eyes band.

two and a half years later i see this video and i am thrust back into that night and reminded of all the sights and sounds and smells and i am again reminded of how powerful and necessary music is in my life.
watch this. you’ll see.

just for shits and giggles and to appease my own sense of nostalgia here’s a video of m. ward and conor oberst playing together at austin city limits. i remember this song from vancougar as well…

snow day!

driving to work this morning i encountered a serious traffic problem due entirely to the shitty roads created by the immense amount of snow we seem to be getting.

needless to say i took a snow day.

although, it seems to have stopped for the time being.

**

i don’t have a lot to say. which is weird because i have a lot on my mind. i’m working stuff out. getting shit balances in my brain and trying to decide what i want to do.

projects are upcoming and there seems to be something on the table that would be silly not to do.

i’m not ready to talk a lot about it. i feel like i need to have more to say than just a little (or a lot) of excitment and ideas. there are people getting on board but i need more people on board before i feel like talking about it won’t jinx the shit out of it.

**

wanna watch me jump on the bandwagon?

this record will knock your orchestral pop loving socks off. just listen to it. and love it. cuz you will.

**

the end.
xo michelle.