star-fucker(s)

it’s sort of embarassing when you get drunk and admit to a group of strangers (and coincidentally all musicians) that you’ve never slept with someone who wasn’t a musician. i felt like a star-fucker offering myself to these boys for the evening. truth be told they brought it on themselves. i think. whatever.

so i’m just back from vacation. yesterday was a shit-show of getting re-organized and finding out what just how insane the next three months are actually going to be. i over-commit and i am ok with that but i think i just sort of forgot about that side of my personality in the 10 days i was gone.

it was a great holiday. toronto was fucking killer time. drinking, dancing, eating and good good friends. OH and kieren hebden and steve reid…LIVE followed by the motherfucking cinematic orchestra and later a killer set by vitaminsforyou…did i mention that? oh yeah, that ruled too. and good friends: eli, emily, leah. what a great weekend. big hugs to all three of you for showing me such a killer time in your new home. much much love to you all. i’ll admit it friends, my mind is changed, i could live in toronto. i absolutely could. on a related note: cinematic orchestra is the PERFECT band to get stoned and listen to while sitting with awesome friends as the sun goes down along the water. just fyi.

 oh, and “hollywood” parties aren’t all glitz and glamour…sometimes there all go-carts and french and puffy jousting. seriously. watching edward norton watch silly jousting while tim roth played with kids is a surreal way to spend an evening.

today feels like a day of sentance fragments and misplaced thoughts.

it’s hot here on the prairie. sweaty hot. my office is hot as hell and seriously lacking the comfort of a/c. if only i lived in toronto…i’d have a/c for sure. ha ha.

following an all-to-brief soujour in toronto i met mom at the airport and we were off to chicago where we saw the sights, ate AMAZING food and got tipsy on margueritas and mojitos. we also hung out a bit with a friend of my mom’s which was nice. a little too much “teacher talk” but that’s to be expected. “August: Osage County” is a good play too. someday i’ll work for steppenwolf…you’ll see. gary sinese will be my best friend.

“nobody’s off the hook” by rufus wainwright is an amazing song. the string arrangement is making me sad. in a good way.

this entry is taking me a long time. i keep taking breaks and closing my eyes and wasting away with rufus wainright and sweating in my office. and eating. i just ate lunch with one of my top 5 people on earth. ON EARTH!

anyways, after chicago…new york city. i still have no idea why it’s called the big apple. i’m sure wikkipedia does. i don’t feel like looking it up. whatever. anyways, new york was a whirlwind of drinks and theatre and breakfasts and sightseeing…we saw sights like fucking crazy people and experienced an odd rascist tour guide who obviously hated poor black people living in the projects in harlem. dick. it was awkward.

“spring awakening” is the best musical ever made. goose bumps, tears, naked boobies and bums. all the best stuff… and amazing performances and songs…god.

misshapes. well, misshapes are suppose to be cool. they are suppose to throw the kind of parties that hillary duff and beth ditto both show up at TOGETHER and everyone gets smashed in tiny jeans and ironic tops and fucks in the bathroom while snorting coke and drinking obscure french beer. it was a world filled with expectations for us 4 kids from the canadian prairie and it lived up to none. we had a better time getting drunk and hanging out with a whole swack of random random kids at the random random irish pub around the corner. whatever, it was still fun and we still danced a bit at misshapes and truthfully, i was ready to dance!

so i’m home. over extended and busy as fuck already and about to love every second of it.

off to stock shelves.

to the friends i saw these past 10 days: thanks for making my summer rad! much love.

objectification 101

there’s this guy i know and have know for at least 5 (odd) years. we met because he was dating a friend of mine. after they broke up i didn’t see much of him but lately we’ve been running into each other a fair amount (like tonight) and have been able to catch up a bit thanks to the wonders of facebook.

it’s nice.

sort of.

actually, it’s mostly strange. this guy is a VERY conservative christian and girls like me-tattooed, scarred girls- are definately a novelty to him.

and the thing is, he makes that very clear. i am a wax-museum piece to him. something to be stared at and discussed and analysed and priced out but nothing to actually ever get to know. i am not a person but a collection of body modifications ripe for discussion.

and truth be known i don’t mind talking about them, i don’t. but i don’t like feeling like them-and the discussion of them-is the sole defining feature of my personality. i assure you, old “friend”, there’s much more to me than the choices i’ve made.

or i suppose that’s an incorrect way of phrasing it. we, of course, are the choices we make but we are not soley manifestion of those choices. we are flesh and blood constantly at war and/or piece with our choices. i am not simply an object upon which artists have written. i’m a lot more than that and i wish when i saw him he’d realise that…

i suppose it comes with the territory…

michelle changed her status.

michelle is also amazed at the ridiculousness of assumptions. she is sure that she’s a better authority on what she wants than what those silly girls gossip about in all-ages-grimey-hall-show bathrooms. she is sure that if you ASK her what she wants she will tell you and she will tell you the truth. she is sure that awkward yet obvious avoidance of the issue is fairly fucking annoying.