a startlingly obvious epiphany

i had an epiphany tonight.

aside from the fact that i remembered that i love the word epiphany. and that i find it hard to spell. and that i put an extra e in remember all the damn time…

so my epiphany… tonight i went to a reasonably big event in the theatre community in this fair town of mine and part of me was dreading it. a lot. not because i knew the work wasn’t going to be awesome but because i knew a huge part of my evening would be spent schmoozing. something i feel like i am quite shit at. but then something happened…at some point i jolted myself back into reality and realised that i was having a pretty wonderful time.

the thing is…schmoozing isn’t the bullshit-fackey-i-can’t-think-of-anything-better-to-say-then-that-i-liked-the-lighting-on-your-crap-show-so-now-whatthefuck-do-we-talk-about…instead it’s just hanging out with like-minded people talking about drugs and vegas and taking the five hole.

sure, sometimes you have bullshit about a crappy show you hated but why on earth should we spend our time being fake assholes when we should be supporting each other?? got me, friends, got me.

anyways, the point is that i realised that it’s ok to be who i am, in all my awkward bad at schmoozing glory and not schmooze at all but just have genuine conversation with people you genuinely like and who’s work you really enjoy. and really mean it when you tell them you were glad you saw them…

the more and more i get schooled in what it really means to be IN the industry of making art and not just sitting out in the ether having romantic ideas about what making art is the more i realise, and remember, that all this stuff that we spend our entire lives dreaming of doing is about other people and our relationships with those people. art is a people based industry…like i said, startlingly obvious. and it’s not that i didn’t know this… i’ve just been thinking a LOT lately about what comes next and next and next and while i am really ok with not knowing the fact that i know small things like, “don’t be a fake asshole”, “mean what you say”, “work and exist with integrity” etc… will be there to help. </p.

like i said friends, a startlingly obvious epiphany…people are cool, don’t be a jerk, you have something to offer.

hilarious.</p?

my leg hurts.

i am currently lying in bed, not really tired but in too much pain to be doing anything else…new tattoos will do that i suppose. it seriously hurts a LOT. all the blood is rushing down to the lowest point on my body (my calf, ankle, foot) and it feels like the force of the blood is going to split my skin open. no doubt it sucks.but what can i do? i am not going to stop getting tattooed any time soon. i was thinking about tattoos today and wondering if now qualify as “heavily tattooed”. i mean, i have a sleeve and two fairly substantial leg pieces but i am not sure…who decides? who are the legitimizers in the world of tattoos.i’ve also recently decided who i am going to marry. the world and the cbc radio 3 podcast would not be the same without him. hearts! fuck. my leg really hurts. a lot. i wish i had some vodka…or pot. hmmm. 

for anna!

it has been a long time dear blog and i often wonder if people are still out there reading blogs, blogging… i guess i’ll never know. i think i’d like to get back at it. type into the abyss and see what i get back.i was driving home just now from a bar where the music was entirely inappropriate for the ambience and created tension as opposed to a calm relaxed environment where people want to get drunk (ie: give the bar cash). Just because you KNOW a lot about music doesn’t mean that you should DJ… stick to your day job, it’s a good one! so i was driving home from this bar and i’d just dropped off my friend caitlin (a new friend! yay!) and something caught my eye. For about 17 seconds i was convinced it was a cat with very long long legs. i even slowed down slightly in order to let it cross the road if that’s what it wanted. nothing crossed, obviously. it was a cat with very long long legs; it was a road sign indicating another spot in champ city undergoing construction… but it got me thinking. i think there’s magic in the world. magic we can’t see that shows itself to us on very random occasions when we are lucky enough to deserve it. i don’t know what made me so lucky tonight but i think the cat with very long long legs probably does exist and when it got what it needed from me (to cross the street?) it vanished leaving behind something recognizable and completely non-magical.i know this sounds like stoner bullshit but it isn’t. magic HAS to exist. the world is sad without it. whimsy is necessary and magic is often whimisical.i think i will dedicate this blog to pursuits of whimsy…i also sort of wish i still had the sex blog. i have some shit i’d like to talk about…damn! (almost orgies have been the theme of my summer and early fall/winter)m.