eeech.

i want to run naked through a graveyard.

want to?

BLARF

that old timey love shit makes me want to puke.

read the past and you’ll be reminded of why you’re an idiot. it never fails. EVER.

“go snuggle yourself”

disney’s “the brave little toaster” teaches children all kinds of important life lessons such as:

-do not watch other people pee; you will get slapped.

-sometimes when all the people you know reject your snuggling advantages you may just have to learn to snuggle yourself.

snuggling life lessons are really goddamn important.

-be nice to kids you hate; it will make you feel nice. but don’t be too nice or the cool kids will think you’re weird.

 

battered wife

the cat is in heat again. lord have mercy. that poor tortured creature.

fuck halloween. what a fucking bust. wybe kissed me on the cheek and that was sort of cute but otherwise… bust

oh, and now all i want for christmas is a hysterectomy. good news of the weekend? not pregnant! for the record i wasn’t actually worried about being pregnant it’s just always nice to have a monthly reminder of the emptiness of my uterus.

and truthfully i am just trying to look for a silver lining to my bad mood.

oh woe is me. so much bullshit. i just wanted to have sex with that one hot dude in some dark hallway while our radios fed back to each other as we threw each other against the concrete walls. is that too much to ask?

fuck you. you talk to much.

slowly more information gathered and disseminated in the appropriate fashion

Ann: 17, a recent high school graduate with a slightly unnatural obsession with the US Space Program circa 1975-1980. A writer of erotic fiction and a collector of pennies, Ann does not particularly like outer space. She has 40000 pennies and has recently run away from home. Her first stop was the bank.

Carl: 37, a truck driver and part time bakery assistant at his neighbourhood Safeway, hates outer space. He keeps his childhood dog stuffed on his mantel and reads only war fiction. He lives alone in a basement suit and collects Korean War fiction. Carl begins this day looking to secure a reasonably priced money order to pay his rent.

i’ll eat you up!

it’s always at this point in the process that i am reminded who the most important person in the room is-by the most important person in the room.

 

“honey, i’m a vagabond on the streets of love”

mention the words “home sick” when you feel like a vagabond and people will, invariably, ask where home is.

today home feels like edmonton. today i miss the terrible traffic and poor civic planning and the empress and the warmest friends and truest and first loves and all of those dark alleys that have broken my heart.

i miss the sweaty hashbrowns and sticky vinyl eggs at b’s and the stink of the black dog bathrooms and seeing fringe shows with the worst hangover of my life and smoking in front of the ed hardy shirts outside the next act. i miss graffiti fantasies at steel wheels and if i liked bulgogi i’d probably miss that pizza too.

i miss the babysitter’s club meetings behind the catalyst and falling in love with new friends while we watch people fuck in a skating rink.

today i miss home. vagabond or not (and i suspect not), i know where my heart is today.

“a clock ticked in another room. there are no clocks in this room. our love is not ruled by time or the clicking of ikea. i wonder where the cat is.

i look over at you. your chest slowly climbing up and down your ribs. i wanted you so badly tonight but you came home so late and crawled into our cold bed barely muttering in my direction. where were you?

but i see you there, shirtless, with the last gleams of the day’s sweat drying in the cool night air and i don’t care what has passed between us. i want you still, like i did the first night i met you. summer, sticky sweet and full of promise. you slipped inside me before i had a chance to inhale.

remembering this i slide my hands down between my thighs and feel the heat rising  from-”

“um… excuse me. did you know you were talking outloud? this is a bank. you’re in line at the bank.”

i would very much like to kiss chuck klosterman

last night i had a moment. somewhere in the haze of gin making sexy times with my empty stomach and the weed putting my brain into ________ mode i had a genuine moment. 

this was the moment: you’re sitting talking to someone. a cute someone. and that someone is saying something either a) cute or b) interesting or both cute and interesting and you’re just sitting listening and you become hypnotized by their lips moving. or not hypnotized so much as turned on and this huge part of you realises that you want to say, “sorry, just to interrupt for a second but um…i’d very much like to kiss you” and whether you kiss them or not you said what you felt. it was one of those moments. i didn’t say that phrase but i did really want to. i wonder if he would’ve kissed me? 

i’d very much like to kiss chuck klosterman. wouldn’t it be so hilarious if compulsively googled himself (and it seems like he’s someone who might) and google led him here and he read this ages old blog and found me somehow witty and interesting and kissable too and then somehow soon after that we would kiss. maybe we’d also have lunch. no, not lunch. obviously not lunch. we’d obviously get brunch. maybe in the middle of all the kissing we’d have brunch and talk about how are past loves have ruined our ability to just simply let pop music be. and we’d laugh, and get stoned and talk about how gross coke is and then kiss some more. 

i think somewhere in there i’d have to tell him how much i love diet coke. just to be stupid. and that would be my flaw: “michelle was really perfect, like pretty perfect, but she’d always make really stupid comments in the middle of really intense conversations.” and then i’d be in a book and i would be written about in ways that made me want to kiss chuck klosterman in the first place.

i may miss the cat most of all…

i turned 27 last week and it was, if nothing else, a rather eye opening experience. 

“you can’t break out of a circle you never knew you were in” 

and suddenly the shape of the circle changes and you’re painfully aware of just how deep inside of it you are.

and it’s a great moment of realisation. my birthday wasn’t what i wanted it to be but it wasn’t bad either and it just made me realise that i’m taking the right path for the moment. for the moment it all feels really stellar.